Pix

- the new cut :(

- Bah with his buttoned nose

- the first embarassing picture of myself with a thong on my head.

- now who's the luckiest girl in the world?

- my favourite <3

- Daddy!

- good'ol school boys

I did it

I don't know why or what I'm writing, but for some reason, I just feel the need to. I don't know what I'm going to write about or am writing about, all I know is that.. I need to write. It's always like that. When there's something bothering me up in the money-maker, famously known as "brain", I tend to just write it out as to walking it off. I'm in PE class now but it's raining outside so it's just.. class. Jacin's next to me, copying off Ahnaf's karangan. (As we all are at some point of the day), I can hear Ms Sheeba in the background, trying to keep the class down. And do they listen? No, they don't. They never do. Unless your name is Ms Shanti (porkchops a.k.a our principal), or Ms Chinn (a banging teach). I want so mnuch to leave this school, but I can't. God know's why. (No emoness intended). I grew up here. I literally did. From having o-o in my pants during kindergarten, from crying and screaming bloody murder if daddy was 1 minute late, to the girl that has to try to stay up in geography class. Hands down, the people here.. well some, are queer. But they're.. welcoming-queer. They'll hit you with the common stares, but after that they'd accept you. (unless your name is Ivan) I joke, I joke. My first time on stage was in primary 3. We were casting for Snow White and the seven dwarves, and I was supposed to be snow white (but you're black ha-ha funny).. until they saw Ms Jacinta Yau I-don't-love-Carey. But I was casted as the witch and my costume was if you ask me, off the hzzzaaaaay. Now, I hear Izzy bragging about his london days, whilst explaning what fags are to MJ and Jenica. Cute, cute.

Hey, it stopped raining.

Reminisce some time

Fucking, eons ago.. Ish.

Waking up to the scent of roses and lillies

Ah yes, it has definitely.. been awhile.

• When I just lay back, and just let my mind wonder on its' own.. I still can't believe that it's 2008. So much has changed. So much.. It's scary. But in English Class the other day, Mr Eugene mentioned that change is the only permanent thing in life. Terrifying, but nontheless true. Sometimes, I just want to be back at Tungku beach with a box of tissues with Valentine, Nash and Dan looking at the stars with me.
• Yesterday was Valentine's, and Danial got me a bouqet of roses and lillies, and for a valentine's-always, a box of patchi chocolates.. He's a keeper.
• School's been hectic, but managable.. I have more than that to say, but a public blog isn't really where I want to spill my inner-guts to. But I'm managing, that's what matters right?
• It was also two of sibling's birthday yesterday, one's in New York, and the other is in Leeds. And you know what? I can't wait to see them this summer. We're actually, and atypically, gonna be at the same place.. at the same time. Albeit it's not Brunei's roof.. we'll still be under a roof together. Beggers can't be choosers, eh?
• Can you keep a secret? I miss Nazura. A lot.
• Sometimes, I just want disappear for awhile. Be it just for a second, I don't give. 1 second would do me justice.
  

Get me out of this limbo..

*Happy belated to Azim, Randy and Yusri. Happy birthday Abg J and Kakak Anna, Fatin. And happy birthday ben! xxx

Yes ka, lawa rambutmu

You know my darkest secrets, you know my foolish flaws, you literally.. know me inside and out. You've seen me in my worst state, morning-breath and all. You've seen me clean up. You've seen me grow since, since I was born. You've watched me fall.. and you've helped me get back up. And I love you so much. So much, that I wish I could just put you in my pocket and carry you everywhere I go. You may not be good with words, but It's alright. I just have to look in your eyes, not so much of a look.. even a glance would do. And then suddenly, I'd know just what to do, or where to go. From outfits to go to gadong, to the issues of my life.. You're there to listen. And you know what the best thing is? You don't have a say in whether or not you want to listen, because you're my sister. And I am beyond merry, to say that you.. are.. stuck. with. me. for. life :)


You big.. big.. big.. dyke.

So where do I begin?

It's there, if you want to see it.

There's nothing but blue skies

The vanilla ice-cream..
- I spent it with the people i've grown to love and care for so much

The bananas on the side..
- I met new faces, got closer with the familiar ones, and who can complain if you just danced the night away?

And to be the cherry on top with sprinkles all over..
- I'm finally seeing Danial this weekend. My Danial.

I had so much of a good time, and I hope you guys enjoyed yours.

Happy new year everybody! xxxx

Clumsy

Arrrrrrrrrrrrrrr angry.

Fuck that

I guess I'll just bite my tongue.

If musik be the food of love, play on

smile now my little magic.

My, my, my!

Rainbow connection.

back up mofo BACK UP

I miss my brother.

Izinkan

Family?
- The best bunch you can find.

Friends?
- Beyond wonderful.

Boyfriend?
- Beyond amazing.

I'm content, thanks

Soy tan afortunado tenerte

Nunca pensé que merecí a alguien como ti para llamar mis los propios. Ahora, estoy más allá de agradecido. Agradecido que te tengo, agradecido que sea el tuyo, y ninguno otro. Agradecido para el hecho de que consiga besarte, apenas porque. Agradecido. porque soy tu amor. Y eres el mío. Eres mi bestfriend, mi novio, mi soulmate, mi todo. Y no puedo esperar para verte otra vez.

Te amo más que la vida, mi amor..

Think back and talk to me

Beyond ready for o8'.
Beyond ready for school.
Beyond ready to see Auntie Sonia.
Beyond ready to see my love.

Yes, I finally got a tagboard. Happy now?

My mama taught me better than that

This? Now this is for you.

I don't know why I let my guard down for you, when from the very begining I had strictly taught myself that there was no such thing for me. That it just happens to not work for me. But you, you decided to see if you could change my mind. And short-sightedly, I let you. And now.. now look at us? If I were to ask you to reiterate, would you think back.. and recap the laughter, the joy, the tears, the secrets? Yes, you would. Funny, cause if I were in your position, the only thing that I am able to mull over, are all all the lies. The lies that both you and I made, that we made subconsciously. Imprudently. How could I let myself succumb to being friends with someone who's so artificial, so ignorant, so heedless of everyone else around her, so.. self-consumed, so.. odious? What was I thinking? Maybe I wasn't. But people make mistakes right?

It's christmas!

Gentle comedy

and this last one is just because i miss my bestfriend

Kicking in oldschool

Just a little bit...

So, it's christmas eve..

For christmas?

Simple.

You.

Just once

- I miss waking up to messages from you
- I miss going about my day and hearing from you
- I miss having early morning breakfasts with you
- I miss having our wiggybreak
- I miss "but i didn't get to rub my belly like a bowl full of jelly"-ing with you
- I miss "i refuuuuuuuuse to cooperate with your bullshit"-ing with you
- I miss going on the phone when our o-o's refuse to work with us
- I miss having your scent stuck on to my shirt just after one hug
- I miss our secrethandshake
- I miss hearing your ringtone play on my phone
- I miss "faaaaaaaaaatty-bom-bom"
- I miss kantuting with you
- I miss your bed-smell
- I miss seeing your chin move
- I miss getting ready with you
- I miss our pizza-fridays
- I miss our movie-dates
- I miss our horror marathon
- I miss just having able to run to you after a shit day
- I miss our hollywood-kisses
- I miss just sitting and bitching with you
- I miss our couch-potato days
- I miss having tita emma's pasta
- I miss just non-stop rambling, and you would amazingly get me
- I miss watching E! with you
- I miss.. you. So much.

Pssst.. up there

Thanks.

.. for everything.

Olaaaaaaaaa!

Sorry for the lack of blogging, just got back from miri! Got a splitting headache right now, so I'll smell ya lattttttttter!

Kissssses, Huuuuugs, Looooooove!

99 red balloons!

craaaaaazy in the head, craaaaaaazy in the bed

I don't know why

I can't stop thinking about you.. I wonder what you're doing right now.

Boredom struck at 2.40AM

Flux

bliss

Risque

Call me clingy, call me dependent, I don't care. I fucking miss you.

Better together

+0607060956

Albeit short, it's funny how a phone-call from across the world can do you justice.

Secret #2

con·vul·sion /kənˈvʌlʃən/ Pronunciation Key - Show Spelled Pronunciation[kuhn-vuhl-shuhn] Pronunciation Key - Show IPA Pronunciation
–noun
1. contortion of the body caused by violent, involuntary muscular contractions of the extremities, trunk, and head.
2. violent agitation or disturbance; commotion.
3. an outburst of great, uncontrollable laughter.

- convulsion

A severe, often violent involuntary contraction of the muscles. Convulsions may be caused by high fevers or poisoning and often accompany such diseases such as epilepsy.

One prozac a day

MISS - MISSING /mɪs/ Pronunciation Key - Show Spelled Pronunciation[mis] Pronunciation Key - Show IPA Pronunciation
–verb (used with object)
1. to fail to hit or strike: to miss a target.
2. to fail to encounter, meet, catch, etc.: to miss a train.
3. to fail to take advantage of: to miss a chance.
4. to fail to be present at or for: to miss a day of school.
5. to notice the absence or loss of: When did you first miss your wallet?
6. to regret the absence or loss of: I miss you dreadfully.
7. to escape or avoid: He just missed being caught.
8. to fail to perceive or understand: to miss the point of a remark.
–verb (used without object)
9. to fail to hit something.
10. to fail of effect or success; be unsuccessful.
–noun
11. a failure to hit something.
12. a failure of any kind.
13. an omission.
14. a misfire.
—Verb phrases
15. miss out, Chiefly British. to omit; leave out.
16. miss out on, to fail to take advantage of, experience, etc.: You missed out on a great opportunity.
—Idiom
17. miss fire. fire (def. 52).

Here we are again

I've always hated airport-goodbyes, I've already started cursing the miles. I hope you're safe bu, you know I love you.

Bewitched

The day panned out OK.

doaku tuhan

Stripped off of all artificiality.

- I want my Abg Jaime, Abg Daniel, Kaka Anna and Auntie Sonia, to come back. And to have the whole family under the same roof.
- I want to wake up from Auntie Sonia's fits of sneezes.
- I want to spend a Family sunday, with the whole family.. for the first time.
- I want to consume food without having to worry about the consequence, or should I say flab.. I'd get from it.
- I want a book to read, be it copactic. I just want a book to read.
- I want to know what Lola and Lolo are doing right now.
- I want to see Uncle Dan a.k.a Papa.
- I want so badly to detach my morbid habit of having to please everyone.
- I want to spend christmas and new years with my boyfriend.
- I want Danial to not leave.
- I want so badly to dream a dream of my nini laki, whom I never got to meet.
- I want this year to end as fast as it can, I am so ready for 2008.
- I want a dog.
- I want to perform, and leave atleast one person in the audience in tears.
- I want to know how Teneesha and Stephanie are doing.
- I want to know how many people are thinking about me right now.
- I want to know how tomorrow is going to pan out.
- I want to know when did everyone start growing up.
- I want to never disappoint daddy.
- I want to be a lawyer
- I want to maybe even be a chef.
- I want to learn how to speak spanish. And french.
- I want to learn how to ride a horse and not scream bloody murder whilst on it.
- I want to go to a far away exotic country, and actually be happy to come back to Brunei.
- I want to marry Danial.
- I want to have 3 kids. A girl, a boy, and an adopted child. Don't ask why.
- I want to name my first born, Lailatul Amor.
- I want to meet Oprah Winfrey.
- I want to know what really happened that night. But for now, I'll just bite my tongue.
- I want to go to sleep now.

Goodnight Brunei, the sky is beautiful tonight.

Food for thought

Hello. I'm alive and breathing, don't worry.

Beyond cloud nine

I didn't get to rub my belly like a bowl full of jellyyyyyyyyyyyy!

Subtle change

Serious rant

I don't hear the birds singing whenever I wake up in the morning like I used to. I don't look forward to things I used to look forward to. I don't feel like it's home, whenever I am home. The fact that I'm so used to waking up to made breakfasts, pressed uniforms, accompanied by shoes on the side, a cleaned room whenever I open the door, folded clothes whenever I scan my closet, a phone call that I could make at any second of the day for when I feel like bitching, a ride to my voice lessons, a familiar face I look forward to whenever sleepless nights visit, friendster to browse through whenever everyone else is too busy to see to me, a house to go to 5 minutes away whenever I feel like being away from home and everyone in it. Those things, were the things that kept me thinking with a commonsensical mind. But with all that gone, and to have confine in just one person to handle the encumbrance of it all, is a bona fide quintessensial of inhumanity.

Growing; cause everyone else around me is.

Introduction, Interlude

update/

So, I'm still stuck in Brunei, I still want to end world hunger, but seeing how I did in my science exam yesterday.. Not so big in being a scientist anymore. But hey, CSI is still pretty damn cool.

So much has changed, but I can't seem to bring myself to type them all down. Everything just makes more sense when they're in my head. To see it on paper, monitor screen, or to even hear myself speak of it outloud.. Is just too scary. Sometimes, I wish so hard to be able to be 6 again. Everything was so much easier then. I was so oblivious. I had nothing to hide, nothing to hide from, nothing to cry myself to sleep to (excluding the agonising toothaches I used to have)

I miss having abang around the house. Albeit he has always been a pain in the ass, but he was always the spirit of the family. I remember the dinners the whole family would have every night, and he would always have something blithe to tell us about. Be it about something he went through, or his friend's encountered it. I just miss him.

I miss Auntie Sonia, I miss Daddy, I miss Kaka Anna, I miss Abang Jaime, I miss Yaya, I miss AJ, I miss Alexis, I miss Jabba, I miss so many people.

Sigh.

I don't know

Something's wrong, but I can't seem to place my finger on it.

.. And then, there were 2.

Who woulda thunk it

Still breathing.

Coming out

Checking out the Chan-Chan Man!

Lizard shit

Warning: Random post pertaining random thoughts.

I have been smacked-faced infront of the computer for hours, and yet when I look at the time.. it's just 12.36AM. Bloody friggin hell. I guess the mundane good student thing to do is to be smacked-faced infront of books but on the contrary, I am surfing the net.. watching clips of the famous singaporean blogger, name-need-not-be-mentioned. Remotely amusing, but I find the twang abit egh. I have now, an alternative way of wearing a bikini. Hoorah! -- I'm on my bed, and it is so cold that I'm freezing my tits off.

Post-it goodbyes

So, my tita Sonia is leaving some time next week. For good. I can't believe she's actually gonna leave for good this time. We all had a personal maid, and Tita Sonia was mine. She came before I was born and she's been here eversince. She knows which plate I like eating off best, which part of the chicken I eat, what drink I want depending on what time of the day it is. I don't think I'll ever find another tita as good as her. Who, by the by, thinks betadine is the solution to everything. She seperates my clothes the way I like them, she puts out the pair of heels that would match my outfit right by the door. She wakes me up 5 minutes before my alarm does, which is actually much more convenient to my daily routine. She used to tie my hair the way I liked it when I was in primary school, but at times she would get it wrong and I would scream bloody murder.

I know saying, "everyone leaves" practically proves itself right.. I didn't think even my tita would be under that category.

Delite

I got a problem, and I don't know what to do about it, even if I did; I don't know if I would quit but I doubt it.

On the sticks

I've decided to rant in bullet form this time.

- I'm being a couch potato, while having CSI playing on the television.
- I've got this exasperating indolent ulcer that I've had for weeks.
- I'm getting really annoyed with people being so gullible and intrigued with hearsay.
- For the past week I've been binging on tapak kuda like a mad woman.
- I'm reading 3 books at a time so far.

-- Laptops getting hot, rant more later.

Hazing

Haro beautiful people of the world. It's been too long since I last blogged, so here I am. Just letting you know that I'm still alive. Exam-fever is kicking in :(

Salam Eid Mubarak`

Ampun beribu ampun, folks. Forgive... but it's entirely your choice whether or not to forget. See you all on the 2nd day of raya! Have a festive season everyone!

Yours truly,
Izzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzay.

Secret #1

When I was 6-10, I suffered from insomnia.

Apologies on napkins

Raya, is literally just around the corner. And I can't wait. I'm so excited and hell yes. I've got the raya-fever. But I'm pretty bummed about the fact that my brother, the loudest and probably the most intelligent person I know. Won't be celebrating it with his family. He, unfortunately.. has to spend it in the Brunei Hall. Where all the bruneians get together and combine their miserability of not being able to celebrate raya with their families.

Sungkai-- BRB!

Back. On the bright side, my sister from another mother (literally) will be visiting us on the 11th, and if I am not mistaken that's tomorrow. I haven't seen her for.. 3-4 years? It's gonna be so weird seeing her again. Finally, she'll be able to understand and comprehend what I am saying now that I am not 10 anymore. And I think she's taking abang Anthony a long with her, they've been together for aeons and I swear, if he doesn't propose to Kakak soon, I might just do it for him.

Baby jeles.... kthanxbye.

Wonder

These past few days have been filled with a whirpool of emotions. But I am so glad, and so happy that it's finally over and all is right with the world again. I have just read Sarah's blog.. And she really did get me pondering the thought. And it is true, eventually.. Everyone does leave. Next thing you know, Kaka's gonna be out of the house then it'll just be the rents and I.

I was reading Sarah's post, and it read that her Lola passed away. May she rest in peace. And it also read that her mother didn't even cry that much, and she referred to her as the iron lady. And then it struck me. The only time I've seen my mother cry was eons ago. And I look up to her so much, she doesn't cry over the miniscule things like you usually would. She is so strong, SO strong. She's probably the most mentally strongest person I know.

I admire her for that. So much. I also have just realized that I don't thank her enough. She, who brought me into this world. She, who put her dreams on hold to raise my siblings and I. And I am for ever thankful for that. She, who would come to school whenever I would tell her that somebody bullied me. She, who would spend more money then she makes on me.. just so that I am the prettiest girl at the birthday party. She, who is the reason why I have this shirt on my back. She, who is the most beautiful person I know, inside and out. She, my role-model. She, my mother.

Aaaaah..

All is right with the world again..

Please lah.

Stop whining when you have absolutely nothing to whine about. If anything and anyone, I should be doing the whining. You have no idea, you just have no idea. And if you have a feeling that I'm talking about you, then well.. maybe I am.

Run and laugh along to your little friends. Bitches.

And yet again..

My brother left again yesterday. And I cried a lot, this time. He was here for a whole 2 months for his summer holiday. Out of the whole 2 months he was here, he got mad at me only once. He took my sister and I out almost every night and we would stay out til the break of dawn. Actually, it was more like playing text twist til the break of dawn. It was so sad to see him walk through those airport doors again. I was so used to having him around again.

Lai, mau nasi katok?

It was really nice to have him around, and this will be the 2nd raya we're spending again without him. I guess you really can't have your cake and eat it too. To have things go your way all the time, I mean come on where's the fun in that? I think I'm getting used to people leaving by now. And that was one of the things I made sure that I never wanted to happen.

It's a new day

Happy birthday.. to the love of my life.

Mashimaro

I just came home from the movies. Watched Chuck&Larry with Mr Deen. It was really good, very.. refreshing. Hahaha. I also watched Mr Deeds earlier in the afternoon just as I woke up. I gotta say, I love Adam Sandler. I think the first movie I watched of his was.. Big Daddy. And when I heard him say, "how much wood could a wood-chuck chuck, if a wood-chuck could chuck wood?" I fell inlove with his big egg-shaped head.

Adam Sandler. You gotta love him :D

Dr Pepper

I want to live in an old Victorian. A beautiful old white Victorian. With blue shutters, and a big red door. The grass, coloured in the brightest shade of green you've ever seen. And a big oak tree right across the sidewalk, that sheds within the seasons. And a tyre swing on one of it's branches.

One day. Someday. You'll see.

On top of the world

writer's block

Look back

I remember that day. I remember exactly what happened. I also remember feeling so lost and so down, and eventhough we hadn't spoken for 2 months.. I dialled your number.

"Baby?"

And that's when the book re-wrote itself again.

I love you.

Couch poraro on rhe roose

One fine day...

Forgetful Lucy

Seven things that scare me

· Death of loved ones
· Armageddon
· No more crayons in the world
· God
· Losing my voice
· Disappointing dad

Seven things I like the most

· My family
· My Mr Deen
· Sushi; octupuses and all.
· A lazy sunday
· Kissing.
· My alternate universe; Mitch Albom's and Cecilia Ahern's.
· Kisses on the neck

Seven important things in my room

· Photos
· Charger
· Seasons 1-10 of friends
· Make up
· Laptop/Computer
· My box
· Toothbrush

Seven random facts about me

· I want to end world hunger.
· My tongue can reach my nose.
· My tongue can reach my elbow.
· I love it when I wake up in the morning with my nose all fuzzy and cold.
· Sneezing is my quintessential of a fun time.
· I procrastinate like there's no tomorrow.
· I starve myself when I'm depressed.

Seven things I plan to do before I die

· Vist paris.
· Learn to be fluent in spanish and french.
· See Oprah.
· Travel all over the world.
· Live in New York.
· Build schools in Nepal or Cambodia.
· End world hunger.

Seven things I can do

· Love
· Make a kickass chocolate cake
· Hibernate
· Make you smile
· Woo your mom.
· Be an absolute bitch
· Live with Nazura

Seven things I can't do

· Disappoint daddy
· Pick up after myself
· Not screw up
· The Salsa :(
· Walk in 4 inch heels
· Leave the tap running or the lights on when not necessary
· Camp in the forest

Seven things I say the most

· Hi baby
· You what?
· Ah fuck
· What the fuck?
· I love yew I love yew I love yew
· Bye auntie son.
· Oh sweet mother of God.

Seven celeb crushes

· Noah from the notebook
· Honestly, Adam Sandler
· Brad Pitt
· Johnny Deppppp
· CMM
· Matt Le Blanc
· Cole from charmed

Black poppy

1. Sleep with or without clothes on?
Most of the time with, but I have my nudist days.

2.Prefer black or blue pens?
Brack carer prease.

3.Dress up on Halloween?
No.

4.Like to travel?
Def.

5.Like someone?
No.

6.Does he/she know?
-

7. Sleep on your side?
On the stomach.

8. Think you're attractive?
I have my days.

9. Want to marry?
Yes, I do.

10. Who?
Mr Deen.

11. Are you a good student?
Haha again, I have my days.

12. Are you involved in sports?
Recently? No. Aaaaaaaaiyo I feel ze love handles building up.

14. Birthplace?
Over the moon.

15. Do u do drugs?
Tak.

16.Colored or black-and-white photo?
Black-and-white prease :)

17. Do long distance relationships work?
They work, only if you want them to work.

18. Do you believe in astrology?
Yes.

19.Do you believe in god?
Totary!

20. Do you believe in love at first sight?
More like lust at first sight.

21. Do you consider yourself the life of the party?
Well.... hahaha.

22. Do you drink?
Quit, last-christmas.

23. Do you have your own car?
No :(

24. Do you have a job?
I wish.

25. Do you make fun of people?
Yes ok, I do, so shoot me. What else are you supposed to do here? Praise every Joe and Jane wearing mismatched clothes?

26. Do you think dreams eventually come true?
Look at Martin Luther King.

27. Fave thing to do?
Lazy Sundays with my Mr Deen.

28. Fave breakfast food?
My eggs sunny skies up.

29. Fave Candy?
The yerrow one with sambui in it, oooooooooooooh.

30. Fave Vacation spot?
Paris please.

31. Favorite body part of the opposite sex?
I'm sorry, I have too many to name.

32. Favorite cartoon/comic?
Moncheechees!

33. Go to the movies or rent?
The movies.

34. Have you ever moved?
More than my fingers can count.

35. Have you ever stolen anything(from a store)??
When I was younger, I stole pencil lead from Hua Ho. Woo crinimar.

36. How's the weather right now?
Calm.

37. Hug or kiss?
Hugs. Kisses. Hugs. Kisses. I'm torn.

38. Last person you talked to on the phone?
My Booooooo.

39.Last time you showered?
Few hours ago.

40. Loud or soft music?
Somewhere in the middle.

41. McDonalds or Burger King?
Burger King.

42. More romantic; baths or showers?
Baths.

43. Night or day?
Both actually.

44. Number of Pillows?
4.

45. drums or guitar?
Instrument? Guitar? Player? Drummer :D

46. PE or MaTh?
Depends on what day it is.

47. Punk or Classic?
Classic.

48. Hangout or study?
Hmm... I dunno... What do you think?

49. yoghurt or milk?
Both!!!!

50. eggs or chocolate?
Ooooooooooooooooooooooh...

Over the moon

Huuuuffalump.

Warts and all

I am seriously bored out of my mind, it's 3.20 in the morning and school is just in a couple of hours.

Tell me again.. are we lovers or friends?

Callaway

1. Who were you with last night?
Mmmmmmmmm Danial.

2. What woke you up this morning?
Wasn't asleep yet.

3. Where are you?
On the couch.

4.Is tomorrow going to be a good day?
School starts tomorrow, could go either way.

5. Did you kiss or hug anyone today?
Just baba.

6. When was the last time you cried?
Earlier last week.

7. Ever thrown up in public?
No.

8. Passed out because of alcohol?
Nope!

9. What's on your mind RIGHT NOW?
What to cook for the rents for sahur, I'm feeling nice today. (I surreptitiously want to become a chef)

10. Would you take a bullet for anyone?
Yes.

Bring me flowers

Hello blogger world. It is 8.16AM in Brunei Darussalam, Jalan Muara, 3 houses behind tiong hin "district". Eversince ramadhan started I've started the habit of staying awake during the wee hours of the night, and being dead asleep through the day till I hear the whole house scream, "BAAAAAAAAAAAADUK". Don't get me wrong, I love the routine, but unfortunately, school will be starting in.. OH SHIT TOMORROW.

laskgnlkansglg!!@@###$$$$$$$%^^&&****#@!!!!##$%DHGSG%^&&*((

As Sarah would say, "Wooooooooooooooooooooooooooosah".

Here come the puasa days.

Happy puasa everybody.

I really really miss yaya. Wish you were here..

Hehehehehehehehe.

Never better :)

And on our tongues.

Dear God,

There's this person. And he's more than wonderful. More than amazing. He's got this stars in his eyes, and the world in his smile. I've never smiled so much because of one person just being around me. His name is Danial.

I just wanted to say thanks for sending him down my path. Thank you.

You could be happy.

Haro world!

It's 9 o'clock at night. And I'm actually infront of the laptop again. I know, I know. I said I wouldn't touch a laptop for another month or so. But hey. It's a Wednesday night, Danial's doing homework. I practically memorise the lines to FRIENDS.

I'm alive, don't worry.

Ola.

It's 1.01 here, and that's 7.01 in the morning in Croatia. I can't believe I haven't seen him for a whole month now. It feels like just last week when I said bye to him at the airport.

On somedays, I take the distance as a good thing. I shows me that despite the fact that he's more than a million miles away, we can still work. And that's just.. wow. I tell myself that the distance between us prepares us for what's to come. And what's to come is something so amazing. Something so great. Tis my blog, and I may brag about my boyfriend and our relationship as I please. Eventhough, IF this isn't what love is, it IS for me. You know? Nevermind the fact that we're young. Yeah so we're young, but we're young and inlove. Nobody can take me off of my feet and take my breath away at the same time, but he can. Nobody can make me feel like I'm the most beautiful girl on the face of this earth when I'm in my sweats, but he can. Nobody laughs when I cry over a game of speed, but he does. And you would think, after a year.. Things would start to dry. But no. He can still make me smile like how he did the first time we kissed, he still sends tingles through every part of my body, he still makes the butterflies in my tummy flutter like there's no tomorrow, he still.. He still blows my mind away.

I shouldn't depend my happiness on him, I don't. I hope. But with him around, everything's.. better. He makes diet coke taste like coke. He makes 7up tastes like Sprite. Heck, the guy makes Air Suci taste like Evian. He drives me kookoo. He drives me crazy.. Not I-will-kill-myself-if-i-lose-you crazy, but.. ontop-of-the-roof-top-and-over-the-moon crazy. And you know what?

... Sometimes crazy's alright.

Nabil.

How do you know what to do when you're beside death? How do you know how to spend your last days? How do you know how to say goodbye, how do you choose your last words? This post is for Nabil. Not late nabil, just Nabil.

Yeah, sure I knew him. But i didn't really know him. But judging from the tears, the bulletin posts, the petitions as April calls them, the comments, he sounds like a pretty great guy. Every after school, I would see him walk his little sister, hand-in-hand, to kindergrten. And it would be cutest thing. He even got Sir Eugene crying. I always knew behind his rugged exterior (ew) was the beating heart of a gentle, sensitive bebot man. Anyway, back to the subject. Eevrybody's telling anybody who's somebody all kinds of things. They found him-They haven't-He's dead-There's hope. I think that's flat-out wrong. You don't play with death like that, you just don't. Death, or Fate. I didn't know I was going to cry when the school had the prayer and tahlil. I was like, "I don't even know him.. so nevermind the tissues." But I was wrong. I somehow channeled Sarah's pain, and it felt horrible. Not only Sarah's, but everybody's. How horrible must the suspense feel to not know where your son is, where your brother is, where your bestfriend is, where your boyfriend is. It would drive me crazy. And it exasperates me so much that the boys in class have the time of day to still laugh and play around. I mean, hasn't it hit you? He might be .. yknw.

I was at Sarah's place yesterday night. I wanted to be with her. I mean, if there's ever gonna be a moment to be a good friend, that was the moment. We were listening to old school's, just accepting the lyrics, comprehensing it, and realising how precious life is. And it really proves the saying "tell someone you love them today, or you might not have the chance tomorrow." right.

Sarah was saying lastnight that, it sucks to know our prayers didn't work. I told her not to look at it that way, it/it'll probably helped/help find Nabil. (You're never to sure about what you hear) Every little prayer counts, so please don't give up hope. But if he is gone, we'll know he's in safe hands. He'll be in a world of delectation and euphoria.

Hope. Faith. Believe.

Always,

Iza.

Seer.

Dear log,

I'm at home now, sitting my fattybombom down on the bed. I'm so glad that Danial's back from KK. He goes away a lot nowadays, and i really don't want to get used to him leaving. I want to be able to cry and sob when he leaves and be labelled as sweet, not clingy. Heh. But he says, this is all just gonna help me for when he leaves to Croatia this summer, for a month. @@#!!!#@#^&$$^^&&*(&&()(((!!!!!!###@@#$$$%, aaaaaaaaaaah. Much better :) I'm also glad that the holidays are finally here, aaaaaaaaaall of us needed it. A break from the early morning tantrums, afternoon detentions and all that bejazz.

I haven't been out much this holiday, Gadong is really.. really.. reaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaally getting dull. You don't even know the people there anymore. The people in WS are filled with poklens, wannabe gangsters, emo chicks/boys. WHERE DID EVERYBODY GO? I guess gradually, we'll all start to change. Gradually think that staying at home IS actually better than wasting time in Gadong. Gradually think that there's more to do with our time than sit our asses down on the couches of weststreet, or the chairs of chills, ranting, nagging, bitching about the next and every bitch you see. Gradually think that smoking IS stupid and you SHOULD stop. But i said graaaaaaaaaa...duaaa..lly. I guess Gadong started getting boring when one by one the people that made it fun started to leave. Whats with that?! Ish. (Yaya, Aj, Lex, Abang, Jabba, I AM TALKING TO YOU!)

I mentioned that Big D is back right? He made the house loud again. Bless him. It's nice to have the big brother home again. I have someone to bring me nasi-katok again, someone to bitch with about all the guys and girl i loath. (Yes, my brother is a vvvvvv big bitch), someone to stay up with and play ten pin bowling, it's just nice. But I guess the family won't be complete anytime soon. With Kaka Anna and Abang Jamie never at the same place or never free at the same time. The good thing is that Kaka Anna will be coming in November I fink, but Big D won't be here. And as for Abang J? Antah.

Summer holidays are next month and errrrrrrrrrrrrr'body's coming back!!!! Jabba, Yaya, Binjai, Bernei, EVERYBODY :D but DANIAL'S LEAVING, %@#$$$$#@@@@!!!@#@$#^&***$^#@$@#!#@$. Stupid nikkuh :(



TOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOODAY PHOEBE!!

Guess who's back, back again.

Big Brova's back :) and the party's here at the west side. ;p

Greetings from mars. I mean Jalan Muara.

Been awhile, eh?

Happy looks good on you.

Dear log,

Exams are finally over and the party's here at the west-side. Danial's still in Bangkok. Ok so tell me, how am i supposed to make it through the summer without him, if I go crazy when it's just 4 days? Hlknalfnlanfglanvg.

Yaya and I had a 1on1 yesterday. It was really good, I missed her :( She mentioned that it sucked being the youngest in the group when she was my age. She pointed out to me that being the baby of the group, or the manja of the group isn't what its cut out to be. One by one, everybody will be leaving. When they're all in uni, college, work whatever. I'll probably still be in school. I'll be last one to go, and they'll not be there to send me off.

Sooner or later, everybody's gonna be spread out to the world. Set free to really, finally be able to make their on mistakes and actually learn from it. The thing with Brunei is, you can't really learn from your mistakes because you've always got your friends/parents/whatever telling you what to do and what not to do. But once you're finally out there, who's gonna clean after you? Who's look after you then? One mistake that everybody makes is that they don't really want to get out of Brunei.

They just want to get away from the drama. The drama in Brunei gets old real fast. And there's nothing to do here anymore, there's just gadong and.. empire?

You want to go. We want to go; where everybody knows our name.

Why am I in such a hurry to grow up?

Um.

Read my VisualDNA™ Get your own VisualDNA™

You've got me feeling like a child now.

I can't wait to see you again, I love you like the whole world!

PS, Rudolph The Red Nose Reindeer will be waiting :) Pwromise.

Is my baby still my baby true?

I want to break free.

Beb Beb Beb Beb Beb Beb Beb Beb.

I have been extra-extra-bitchy nowadays. What with the exams going on, and to be the cherry on the fucking top, I have my period. So. The exam fever in good'old St.George's has spread. Instead of girls bitching and boys.. well being boys. We've now got students holding books in their hands with any chance they get. It's funny, when it's just laying on your shelf at home, just waiting to be read. You just leave it there, for the cobwebs to feed on. But when there's an exam right by the corner, the books are bestest friends in the world. Why can't we just be prepared? Why can't we prepare the right way? Ok, fine. Why can't I prepare for an exam or test or whatever the right way? Do I crave for the rush of studying, for the sleepless nights? Or does being a lazy slob than a prepared student sound more fun to me?

School has been a pain. I really still would like to know why it starts at such an ungodly hour? Lets say, if they agree (they being the adversaries of every student and teenage child that goes to school) to hmm i don't know just start school at 12pm? That way, both teachers and students can learn to compensate. They give us time to sleep, we return the knowledge they give us with good grades for our tests. Now doesn't that sound like fun?

I want to know when school became boring to me. I used to be the number one fan of school, even when I hadn't started school yet I was up-and-ready in Dana's old uniform just to send abang and kakak to school. I used to do my homework in the car on the home from school. School was my haven, but now.. it's kjngfsknfalmnglansg. I guess it just flows with the year, bite me 2007.

And as for you. I don't like you.

I have my period I therefore can legally kill you.

Oh, I'm sorry. Did my back hurt your knife? :) I will bitch-slap you black and blue. No wait, I will punch you black and blue. Ah kaya ah?

Banar!

I AM STARTING A PETITION.

I am going to get 100 people to sign to MAKE SURE the friggin canteen ladies where gloves and hairnets. WHY MAY YOU ASK?! WHY?! 3RD FRIGGIN TIME I FOUND HAIR IN MY FOOD. CAN YOU SAY ;LSJGOKNHWEOLNEW SGLNSELNG, CAUSE I CAN.

The 100 people who ARE going to sign this petition do not know about this yet, but they will.

K Woooooooooooooooooooosa.

Honour and Labour, is our fucking motto and rule.

Hello blogger world, it's been awhile. And yes, I've actually missed blurting my feelings, my thoughts to a computer screen, to the internet explorer world, and oh my god do i highly believe that nobody actually reads this. And that maybe because I don't want anyone to read my shite neither do I want to start telling them about this shit of a blog. The only actual person that I think reads this, is Danial. Who just checks for any mentioning of names from the X-file, and Dana. She finds anything I write interesting. There could be a piece of tissue paper I doodled on and she'd be the first person in line to read what I wrote. Love that gay thing.

School has been sucha drag lately. And to make matters worst, exams are just next week. Eeeek. Just when you think this escapade is enough, the cultural group has decided to be up and running. After break today in school, I spent the whole time outside of class. Not like everybod else wasn't. But instead of being in the canteen being the loudest, most exasperating students we are, I was in the office with Ms Bheng. Discussing this, that, aaaaaaaand that. But I'm not complaining. I like the busyness. I really do. But the week before our mid-years? Aigosmigo, you gotta be kidding me. St. George. St. George, St. George, St. George. I used to love that school, with all my heart. I used to be the number one fan of school. But it's changed sooo much. What with the surroundings, the plants, the staffroom and the way they give out the knowledge. It's just nt fun anymore. I know, school isn't supposed to be about 'fun', but when did the school start hiring teachers as if they were just picked out from the pasar? Seriously. Any student from ANY class could teach better than some of the staff members. I know right, who am i to say? But hey, my blog, my thoughts, MY RULES :) na-na-na-na.

It's not like having bad teachers is already bad enough, our canteen! Susmaryosep. Can you say unhygenic? Cause I surely fucking can. Did the Ministry Of Health forgot to mention hairnets? Gloves? Cause it sure looks like they did. Fine, if you're not gonna wear hairnets, please make sure that none of your HAIR gets to the FOOD that the CHILDREN!!!! buy to avoid HUNGER!!!!!! AND, if you're not gonna wear gloves, please LAH. AT LEAST, keep your NAILS.. SHOOOOOORT!! or maybe even CLEAN? Ever considered that? Youse nasty. Nasty hair for nasty lady. Ugly nails for ugly lady. You know, I BET you, I'm the only student in the school who has a complaint almost everyweek. Ok, I'm making the school sound real bad, but look okay. It's not like it's that good anyway.

Anyway, I'm gonna watch desperate housewives, with a hug and kiss.. I'm out like this :) - I miss my Yaya.

OH! IF YOU CAN SING, DANCE, ACT, OR PLAY ANY INSTRUMENT.. PLEASE CONTACT ME :)TENGKS

Now you're the song I love to sing.

The trouble with songs is that you always attach them to a situation, a moment. Such that no matter how you forget you felt in that instant, that one single tune can bring you right back there.

You remember everything. The things you forget, the feelings you felt and forgot, the sensations, the sights, the breeze in your hair. You remember exactly how you felt in that instant. And the words web a weave around you that gets you tangled up in them and you forget the present and live in your memories.

And if not that, a song, each different song, brings you somewhere else. Some place you've never been. Each song finds a new you. Someone you don't know, scenarios your eyes have never seen but which lingers in your heart. And sometimes someone you remember but can't seem to grasp.

But with that one song you are everywhere but here. And the beauty is that because of that, we can go anywhere we want. And that is in our power if nothing else is.

Catch-29.

They say the unexamined life isn't worth living, but what if the examining became your life? Is that living, or just procrastinating? And. What if all those helpful lunches and late night phone calls to friends have made us all girl talk, but no girl action.

Is it time to stop questioning?

Haha.

He wasn't supposed to go.

Fuck Friday.

I didn't get to sing today. I didn't get enough sleep yesterday. Danial's in tuition. The only thing that can make me happy now sex and the city.

Pick a little, pick a little.

Funny. If I'm the kid here, why are you the one that still exasperates me? Please lah, putih ko karang leh ku.

"Sudah simpan cream lai"?

For the past week, every single day of the week.. I have seen ze loml. And boy, am i loving it. Loml makes me happy. Like really happy. PINK INK: never play speed with loml. My Mr X seems to calm me down everytime something wires me up, be it by making me laugh at the most stupid things, or just with mr wiggles, or by playing a horror film on and both of us start acting like two 5 year olds who're very close to pissing their pants.

I love being around him, instead of the girl who tries-to-look-perfect-but-fails-with flying colors that i usually bring out, the reaaaaaaaally retarded fat girl who doesn't care where she picks her nose comes out. I love that girl, it's so fun being her. When Papa Croatian's out or busy, her grabs the lights and i grab the lighter. I love Mr X. And I'm Ms. Y. That's why we're SO meant to be. He-he-he. (Bear with me)

Anyway. Enough with ze Xs and Ys. We had an anti-drug talk today. Ya Allah Ya Tuhanku, please let me have my 2 boys and 1 girl before I get to taste that nasty cane.

Amocha.