Nabil.

How do you know what to do when you're beside death? How do you know how to spend your last days? How do you know how to say goodbye, how do you choose your last words? This post is for Nabil. Not late nabil, just Nabil.

Yeah, sure I knew him. But i didn't really know him. But judging from the tears, the bulletin posts, the petitions as April calls them, the comments, he sounds like a pretty great guy. Every after school, I would see him walk his little sister, hand-in-hand, to kindergrten. And it would be cutest thing. He even got Sir Eugene crying. I always knew behind his rugged exterior (ew) was the beating heart of a gentle, sensitive bebot man. Anyway, back to the subject. Eevrybody's telling anybody who's somebody all kinds of things. They found him-They haven't-He's dead-There's hope. I think that's flat-out wrong. You don't play with death like that, you just don't. Death, or Fate. I didn't know I was going to cry when the school had the prayer and tahlil. I was like, "I don't even know him.. so nevermind the tissues." But I was wrong. I somehow channeled Sarah's pain, and it felt horrible. Not only Sarah's, but everybody's. How horrible must the suspense feel to not know where your son is, where your brother is, where your bestfriend is, where your boyfriend is. It would drive me crazy. And it exasperates me so much that the boys in class have the time of day to still laugh and play around. I mean, hasn't it hit you? He might be .. yknw.

I was at Sarah's place yesterday night. I wanted to be with her. I mean, if there's ever gonna be a moment to be a good friend, that was the moment. We were listening to old school's, just accepting the lyrics, comprehensing it, and realising how precious life is. And it really proves the saying "tell someone you love them today, or you might not have the chance tomorrow." right.

Sarah was saying lastnight that, it sucks to know our prayers didn't work. I told her not to look at it that way, it/it'll probably helped/help find Nabil. (You're never to sure about what you hear) Every little prayer counts, so please don't give up hope. But if he is gone, we'll know he's in safe hands. He'll be in a world of delectation and euphoria.

Hope. Faith. Believe.

Always,

Iza.

Seer.

Dear log,

I'm at home now, sitting my fattybombom down on the bed. I'm so glad that Danial's back from KK. He goes away a lot nowadays, and i really don't want to get used to him leaving. I want to be able to cry and sob when he leaves and be labelled as sweet, not clingy. Heh. But he says, this is all just gonna help me for when he leaves to Croatia this summer, for a month. @@#!!!#@#^&$$^^&&*(&&()(((!!!!!!###@@#$$$%, aaaaaaaaaaah. Much better :) I'm also glad that the holidays are finally here, aaaaaaaaaall of us needed it. A break from the early morning tantrums, afternoon detentions and all that bejazz.

I haven't been out much this holiday, Gadong is really.. really.. reaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaally getting dull. You don't even know the people there anymore. The people in WS are filled with poklens, wannabe gangsters, emo chicks/boys. WHERE DID EVERYBODY GO? I guess gradually, we'll all start to change. Gradually think that staying at home IS actually better than wasting time in Gadong. Gradually think that there's more to do with our time than sit our asses down on the couches of weststreet, or the chairs of chills, ranting, nagging, bitching about the next and every bitch you see. Gradually think that smoking IS stupid and you SHOULD stop. But i said graaaaaaaaaa...duaaa..lly. I guess Gadong started getting boring when one by one the people that made it fun started to leave. Whats with that?! Ish. (Yaya, Aj, Lex, Abang, Jabba, I AM TALKING TO YOU!)

I mentioned that Big D is back right? He made the house loud again. Bless him. It's nice to have the big brother home again. I have someone to bring me nasi-katok again, someone to bitch with about all the guys and girl i loath. (Yes, my brother is a vvvvvv big bitch), someone to stay up with and play ten pin bowling, it's just nice. But I guess the family won't be complete anytime soon. With Kaka Anna and Abang Jamie never at the same place or never free at the same time. The good thing is that Kaka Anna will be coming in November I fink, but Big D won't be here. And as for Abang J? Antah.

Summer holidays are next month and errrrrrrrrrrrrr'body's coming back!!!! Jabba, Yaya, Binjai, Bernei, EVERYBODY :D but DANIAL'S LEAVING, %@#$$$$#@@@@!!!@#@$#^&***$^#@$@#!#@$. Stupid nikkuh :(



TOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOODAY PHOEBE!!

Guess who's back, back again.

Big Brova's back :) and the party's here at the west side. ;p

Greetings from mars. I mean Jalan Muara.

Been awhile, eh?

Happy looks good on you.

Dear log,

Exams are finally over and the party's here at the west-side. Danial's still in Bangkok. Ok so tell me, how am i supposed to make it through the summer without him, if I go crazy when it's just 4 days? Hlknalfnlanfglanvg.

Yaya and I had a 1on1 yesterday. It was really good, I missed her :( She mentioned that it sucked being the youngest in the group when she was my age. She pointed out to me that being the baby of the group, or the manja of the group isn't what its cut out to be. One by one, everybody will be leaving. When they're all in uni, college, work whatever. I'll probably still be in school. I'll be last one to go, and they'll not be there to send me off.

Sooner or later, everybody's gonna be spread out to the world. Set free to really, finally be able to make their on mistakes and actually learn from it. The thing with Brunei is, you can't really learn from your mistakes because you've always got your friends/parents/whatever telling you what to do and what not to do. But once you're finally out there, who's gonna clean after you? Who's look after you then? One mistake that everybody makes is that they don't really want to get out of Brunei.

They just want to get away from the drama. The drama in Brunei gets old real fast. And there's nothing to do here anymore, there's just gadong and.. empire?

You want to go. We want to go; where everybody knows our name.

Why am I in such a hurry to grow up?

Um.

Read my VisualDNA™ Get your own VisualDNA™

You've got me feeling like a child now.

I can't wait to see you again, I love you like the whole world!

PS, Rudolph The Red Nose Reindeer will be waiting :) Pwromise.

Is my baby still my baby true?

I want to break free.

Beb Beb Beb Beb Beb Beb Beb Beb.

I have been extra-extra-bitchy nowadays. What with the exams going on, and to be the cherry on the fucking top, I have my period. So. The exam fever in good'old St.George's has spread. Instead of girls bitching and boys.. well being boys. We've now got students holding books in their hands with any chance they get. It's funny, when it's just laying on your shelf at home, just waiting to be read. You just leave it there, for the cobwebs to feed on. But when there's an exam right by the corner, the books are bestest friends in the world. Why can't we just be prepared? Why can't we prepare the right way? Ok, fine. Why can't I prepare for an exam or test or whatever the right way? Do I crave for the rush of studying, for the sleepless nights? Or does being a lazy slob than a prepared student sound more fun to me?

School has been a pain. I really still would like to know why it starts at such an ungodly hour? Lets say, if they agree (they being the adversaries of every student and teenage child that goes to school) to hmm i don't know just start school at 12pm? That way, both teachers and students can learn to compensate. They give us time to sleep, we return the knowledge they give us with good grades for our tests. Now doesn't that sound like fun?

I want to know when school became boring to me. I used to be the number one fan of school, even when I hadn't started school yet I was up-and-ready in Dana's old uniform just to send abang and kakak to school. I used to do my homework in the car on the home from school. School was my haven, but now.. it's kjngfsknfalmnglansg. I guess it just flows with the year, bite me 2007.

And as for you. I don't like you.

I have my period I therefore can legally kill you.

Oh, I'm sorry. Did my back hurt your knife? :) I will bitch-slap you black and blue. No wait, I will punch you black and blue. Ah kaya ah?

Banar!

I AM STARTING A PETITION.

I am going to get 100 people to sign to MAKE SURE the friggin canteen ladies where gloves and hairnets. WHY MAY YOU ASK?! WHY?! 3RD FRIGGIN TIME I FOUND HAIR IN MY FOOD. CAN YOU SAY ;LSJGOKNHWEOLNEW SGLNSELNG, CAUSE I CAN.

The 100 people who ARE going to sign this petition do not know about this yet, but they will.

K Woooooooooooooooooooosa.

Honour and Labour, is our fucking motto and rule.

Hello blogger world, it's been awhile. And yes, I've actually missed blurting my feelings, my thoughts to a computer screen, to the internet explorer world, and oh my god do i highly believe that nobody actually reads this. And that maybe because I don't want anyone to read my shite neither do I want to start telling them about this shit of a blog. The only actual person that I think reads this, is Danial. Who just checks for any mentioning of names from the X-file, and Dana. She finds anything I write interesting. There could be a piece of tissue paper I doodled on and she'd be the first person in line to read what I wrote. Love that gay thing.

School has been sucha drag lately. And to make matters worst, exams are just next week. Eeeek. Just when you think this escapade is enough, the cultural group has decided to be up and running. After break today in school, I spent the whole time outside of class. Not like everybod else wasn't. But instead of being in the canteen being the loudest, most exasperating students we are, I was in the office with Ms Bheng. Discussing this, that, aaaaaaaand that. But I'm not complaining. I like the busyness. I really do. But the week before our mid-years? Aigosmigo, you gotta be kidding me. St. George. St. George, St. George, St. George. I used to love that school, with all my heart. I used to be the number one fan of school. But it's changed sooo much. What with the surroundings, the plants, the staffroom and the way they give out the knowledge. It's just nt fun anymore. I know, school isn't supposed to be about 'fun', but when did the school start hiring teachers as if they were just picked out from the pasar? Seriously. Any student from ANY class could teach better than some of the staff members. I know right, who am i to say? But hey, my blog, my thoughts, MY RULES :) na-na-na-na.

It's not like having bad teachers is already bad enough, our canteen! Susmaryosep. Can you say unhygenic? Cause I surely fucking can. Did the Ministry Of Health forgot to mention hairnets? Gloves? Cause it sure looks like they did. Fine, if you're not gonna wear hairnets, please make sure that none of your HAIR gets to the FOOD that the CHILDREN!!!! buy to avoid HUNGER!!!!!! AND, if you're not gonna wear gloves, please LAH. AT LEAST, keep your NAILS.. SHOOOOOORT!! or maybe even CLEAN? Ever considered that? Youse nasty. Nasty hair for nasty lady. Ugly nails for ugly lady. You know, I BET you, I'm the only student in the school who has a complaint almost everyweek. Ok, I'm making the school sound real bad, but look okay. It's not like it's that good anyway.

Anyway, I'm gonna watch desperate housewives, with a hug and kiss.. I'm out like this :) - I miss my Yaya.

OH! IF YOU CAN SING, DANCE, ACT, OR PLAY ANY INSTRUMENT.. PLEASE CONTACT ME :)TENGKS

Now you're the song I love to sing.

The trouble with songs is that you always attach them to a situation, a moment. Such that no matter how you forget you felt in that instant, that one single tune can bring you right back there.

You remember everything. The things you forget, the feelings you felt and forgot, the sensations, the sights, the breeze in your hair. You remember exactly how you felt in that instant. And the words web a weave around you that gets you tangled up in them and you forget the present and live in your memories.

And if not that, a song, each different song, brings you somewhere else. Some place you've never been. Each song finds a new you. Someone you don't know, scenarios your eyes have never seen but which lingers in your heart. And sometimes someone you remember but can't seem to grasp.

But with that one song you are everywhere but here. And the beauty is that because of that, we can go anywhere we want. And that is in our power if nothing else is.

Catch-29.

They say the unexamined life isn't worth living, but what if the examining became your life? Is that living, or just procrastinating? And. What if all those helpful lunches and late night phone calls to friends have made us all girl talk, but no girl action.

Is it time to stop questioning?

Haha.

He wasn't supposed to go.

Fuck Friday.

I didn't get to sing today. I didn't get enough sleep yesterday. Danial's in tuition. The only thing that can make me happy now sex and the city.

Pick a little, pick a little.

Funny. If I'm the kid here, why are you the one that still exasperates me? Please lah, putih ko karang leh ku.

"Sudah simpan cream lai"?

For the past week, every single day of the week.. I have seen ze loml. And boy, am i loving it. Loml makes me happy. Like really happy. PINK INK: never play speed with loml. My Mr X seems to calm me down everytime something wires me up, be it by making me laugh at the most stupid things, or just with mr wiggles, or by playing a horror film on and both of us start acting like two 5 year olds who're very close to pissing their pants.

I love being around him, instead of the girl who tries-to-look-perfect-but-fails-with flying colors that i usually bring out, the reaaaaaaaally retarded fat girl who doesn't care where she picks her nose comes out. I love that girl, it's so fun being her. When Papa Croatian's out or busy, her grabs the lights and i grab the lighter. I love Mr X. And I'm Ms. Y. That's why we're SO meant to be. He-he-he. (Bear with me)

Anyway. Enough with ze Xs and Ys. We had an anti-drug talk today. Ya Allah Ya Tuhanku, please let me have my 2 boys and 1 girl before I get to taste that nasty cane.

Amocha.

Hello Stranger.

So it's been awhile.

I have just recently finished the book Danial got me. (Love him) And it's called.. "The other Lover". Danial and I were wondering why they called the book that, and I found out! IT'S CAUSE LAURA SLEEPS WITH WILLIAM! Ew-ew-ew-ew-ew. Utmost apologies, but Loz honey. EW.

It’s my birthday in 3 days. And believe it or not, I’ve always loathed my birthdays. But of course not the present bit. But the rest of the day? Eh, not my cup of tea, but my little bundle of joy has promised that this birthday, I’ll like. I’m going to hold my breath on that.

I’ve been fighting with her a lot nowadays. EVERYFUCKINGDAY, actually. I don’t know whether it’s due to our lit.. I think I just shat my pants.

Sthucky sthuck.

So what’s your pacifier? Everyone’s got one. When you’re having the shittiest Monday, you just can’t wait to get your hands on your Marlboro Lights. When you’re having a gloomy Sunday, you just can’t wait to get home to your season of House. When you’re Mom’s being a bitch, you can’t wait to get your hands laid on your chocolates. I guess my pacifier is my Dr Love. Ha-ha. But when the Dr Love is the cause of the exasperation, chocolates are good. A season of House is good. Maybe also the Marlboro lights too.

What's yours?